The Wicker Man (1973), Redux

Room 307. Again. Needless to say Frank was more than relieved when he was finally able to check out of the Sebring.

His roommate in 307 had been for some time making it more than clear that he wished Frank would leave. Dr. Conner was unnerving from the beginning. Pacing up and down the halls, rapping on table tops or shaking the furniture. Frank was generally a quiet man. And this suited the doctor. He had gotten used to the telephone, the television was tolerated, the radio not so much. Frank quickly learned to stop blaring the Cure, and found Conner had a soft spot for the Arcade Fire. Did I mention that Dr. Conner had been dead for a century or so? As the summer heated up, so did Frank. Conner too. It started when the girl got pissed (as they sometimes do.) The summer was almost over and they were completely over. Dr. Conner found it appropriately amusing to tug a flower out of the vase in the hall and toss it before Frank’s feet when he passed. Frank could hear him snooping around the room while he showered. When Frank’s music got louder and sadder, Conner got angrier.

In the Florida heat, Frank kept the windows always open; one had to shove with all their might to budge the old, over-painted frames anyhow. But, at the doc’s pique the window slammed shut whenever Frank went to flick a cigarette ash out the screen. His left hand was painfully swollen in the end; the blow was much harder than a naturally sliding shut window would have caused. Indeed, the window by the little table upon which his laptop sat, never shut all summer---except when his hand was under it. That’s Frank’s tale. For a similar tale of a cold-than-hot (spoiler!) reception at a weird hotel, Frank recommends you check out The Wicker Man---Robin Hardy’s 1973 version for god’s sakes, not the 2006 Nick Cage (Vampire’s Kiss; Bierman, 1983) remake. The original stars veteran actor Edward Woodard (King David; Beresford, 1985) as the do-gooder policeman Sergeant Howie who travels to the remote Scottish island of Summerisle to search for a missing girl. There he must unlock the mystery of her disappearance despite the lack of cooperation by the pagans living there, lead by Lord Summerisle, played by the great Christopher Lee (Dracula; Fisher, 1958).

Things are not quite right on Summerisle. Star Britt Ekland (The Great Wallendas; Ekland, 1978) called it the most dismal place on earth. Certainly the eeriness of the island is itself a character in the film. How they could reset it in the US in 2006 is beyond guess.

In 1973, the plot moves by degrees. Strange sexy things in the pub offend the straight-laced Howie but are attributed to the grog. Strange things afoot in the cemetery are the work of the eccentric keeper. But pagan teaching in the school house! Think of the children! Howie is slowly finding the girl’s disappearance is related to the pagan rites being practiced anew on the island. He is steadfast in his intent to find and save her. And finally... The Wicker Man’s strong point is its subtlety, an art form surely lost by most directors today. Simple elements like the residents of Summerisle prancing around in animal masks are sufficiently off putting; it is a gripping thriller despite its lack of grand special effects. Of course the other key element Hollywood has often ignored today is that you like the protagonist. Howie may be a bit of a pill. But you root for him because he is the chaste good guy. You’d hate to see him fail… but, then... Anyway, to summarize:

Good- Guy?

1973: Edward Woodward aka “The Equalizer”

2006: Nicolas Cage aka Nick Coppola

Creepy Island?

1973: Summerisle, Scotland

2006: Summerisle, US of A

Hot Chick?

1973: Brit Ekland

2006: Ellen Burstyn

Creepy-looking Ghoul?

1973: Christopher Lee

2006: Leelee Sobieski

Religious and Moral Tension?

1973: Yes

2006: No

The Real Monster?

1973: Human beings

2006: An actual “Wicker man” As you can see, there is no comparison. The compelling interest in contrasting the hero’s Christian morals vs. the island pagans is gone. It has been replaced by a simple Hollywood “boogeyman” Not only does this kill and invalidate the surprising ending, the entire ironic purpose of the character of Willow (Ekland, 1973; Kate Beahan, 2006) is ruined. Once again a slick Hollywood gloss-over has taken the teeth out of a compelling story… When Frank is running low on Gosling’s Black Seal and takes to hurling things about the room a bit to protest the girl’s leaving (after the fact, of course), Dr. Conner had had enough too. Frank leaves down the hall to get ice some time around 4 AM, sealing and locking his door as usual. He returns to find his bags wedged behind the inside of the door when he tries to open it.

Frank gets the hint.