Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) “Come on, ya bastard! Go for the throat already!” was what Frank wanted to yell when the rottweiler sank its teeth into his back end, but all he was able to manage was a muted “Arrrrgh!” as he was thrown to the ground. Once he was on the sidewalk the rotty decided to get a better grip, and that was when Frank was able to deliver a size-13 Frye to its head. The dog came back snapping and tearing but Frank managed to keep it at arm’s length until its owner moseyed over to take up the leash. It was the perfect finale to the worse weekend ever. Frank had taken the Greyhound from Erie, Pa to see, Andrea in Worchester, Ma. After a 25-hr ride, a passionate reunion at the bus station and 5-min jaunt back to her tiny flat, his romantic getaway officially ended. He presented her with decent Chianti, a housewarming gift, and failed to question the three glasses poured. He chalked it up to an Ecuadorian housewarming gift custom he was unaware of. It was not until they were snuggled together on the love seat watching Marty (Mann, 1955) that the Dude walked in. Andrea immediately leaped up and instantly began a round of tonsil hockey with the Dude. Frank, the Dud, could only leap up and demand: “Who the hell is this? What the hell is going on?” Andrea snarls back: “This­ the hell is Spike, my other boyfriend. And what the hell is going on is that: this is my way of showing you that while I don’t expect to have to choose between you two, Spike is the one I am going to fuck tonight.” “I see.” Frank is wrecked and concedes, and she is more apologetic--- “Sorry. The love seat is very comfortable.” “You think I am staying here? To listen to you to fornicate in the next room when it was supposed to be me?” “Well, we still have four days planned.” “Ha! Ha!” Frank giggles madly. He snatches a liter of Jim Beam off the counter and storms out to the street. [The cracking apart of a brief and badly paired match such as this causes a pain in the heart that can be cured with whiskey, pills and the false whispered promises of a stripper. Not that Frank recommends this. But it can be cured. But, the cracking apart of a long and badly paired match is best avoided. However, if you want a peek at it then watch Mike Nichols’ 1966 debut, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? It will be re-released by Warner Home Video on December 5, 2006 (Yeeesh! That’s a helluva xmas present!). It is faithfully based on Edward Albee’s story of a nightcap between two faculty couples gone horribly awry.

The cast of four all turn in astounding performances, with, Elizabeth Taylor (Cleopatra; Mankiewicz, 1963) and Richard Burton (Cleopatra; Mankiewicz, 1963), as the infamously twisted game playing older couple, Martha and George. Of course, the two were in real life a stormy couple, twice married. George Segal (King Rat; Forbes, 1965) and Sandy Dennis (The Out of Towners; Hiller, 1970) as their newlywed prey are also admirable. All four were nominated for the academy award for the film. taylor and Dennis both won. It also won best art direction, costume design and cinematography.

Come on, admit it: you only know George Segal as the boss from “Just Shoot Me!” The film is a marathon to watch--- not long, but tiring, a psychological rollercoaster as the four pick at each other, drinking, dancing, biting, clawing, smashing and drinking some more. The running time of 131 minutes feels like spending the night in real time. It voyeuristic, uncomfortable and will leave you squirming in your seat much more than any horror pic. It feels real, and like it or not. You wish the best for these sadly broken folks.] Frank roamed the not-so-seedy underbelly of ‘Woosta’ before finding his way back to Andrea’s to sleep in the hallway of her building. He has in the meantime polished of the Beam and picked a fight with a brick wall in the process. At daybreak he is glad to find his bus ticket intact in the breast pocket of his cord jacket and is able to slink back out to find his way back to the bus depot. He is hopelessly lost by the time the rottweiler, sensing his anger and misery, breaks away from his owner at the corner of Foster and Norwich and tears Frank's last shred of humanity not to mention his favorite corduroy jacket to bits. The owner is not apologetic, since the skin on Frank’s ass is not apparently punctured. One of the horrified on-lookers stays long enough to give Frank directions to the Greyhound. His ticket cannot be changed. He has to hit two ATMs to get more cash than he is allowed to withdrawal, and makes the painful decision to return to Andrea’s for his duffle. He decided not to too be too hard on her, no reasonable person would expect him to tag along with her and Spike all weekend. She was neither the first nor last to tell Frank that she was looking for a ‘nice guy’ and then stray for the likes of the red locks and solid abs of someone like Spike. Maybe she’s vulnerable because she is/was an orphan, taken in early by a well-to-do importer in Flushing , Queens. Her adopted parents had complained of Frank’s small income. Maybe not. Maybe she’s just…. Though insisting she drive Frank back to Greyhound, Andrea must first but Spike groceries. It is not until his coach is departing its Buffalo lay-over that Frank realizes he hasn’t eaten in three days. He feels ill.