Never So Few (1959) Frank scribbles notes, some good and some bad, in his marble –ruled book. He is trying to pretend that he is not at this seminar, but perhaps at ladies’ garden club meeting in New Jersey, listening to a speech on hydrangeas. Or perhaps, watching another Sinatra film… John Sturges’ Never So Few (1959, available June 2005, Warner Bros.) pits the Chairman of the Board and a small band of OSS operatives in Burma, WWII. Rat pack buddy Peter Lawford is along for the ride, as is The Great Escape (1963)/ The Magnificent Seven (1960) (both Sturges films) tagteam of Steve McQueen and Charles Bronson. Also notable is Richard Johnson as Sinatra’s never-say-die (until he dies) sidekick. Their mission is to protect and train the local Kachins against the "nips, japs, gooks, and yellows" (namely the Chinese and Japanese) on either side. Of course we all know that turning an unarmed native population into an effective fighting force is easily done, right? The weakness of the film is perhaps its token love story. Sinatra’s tangential love interest in Carla (Gina Lollobrigida), a snooty gold-digger that he wants to change is very often goofy in its surreal 1950s way. After she gives Sinatra’s Tom Reynolds the brush on several occasions, even going so far as to torture him by calling him in on her bath, Tom as classic old time leading man goes ahead and grabs and kisses her. Aha! “I kissed you and you kissed back!” he exclaims and she is suddenly ready to move to the States and drop a few babies. Frank thinks it is safe to say that this technique doesn’t work with most women. He raises a hand and asks host of the sexual harassment seminar he’s stuck in at conference room in a Mt. Sinai hotel. “Not unless you’re Tom Cruise! (Legend R. Scott 1985) He’ll never harass anyone!” she giggles prompting several other DJ’s to raise hands and ask if that was a patently shallow response. “I ‘m sorry if cuteness is a factor,” she frighteningly answers, “Harassment is based on one woman’s opinion at any one moment. And we admittedly see the cute as more harmless than the ugly." Frank groans and slinks behind his little desk. When she causally mentions that sexual harassment charges can also be brought about by a third party independent of the accused harasser and harassee (?). She says that it is only to help in situations when women are too frightened to act for them selves. Jack Hansen, the evening jazz jock to Frank’s left, raises a well-manicured hand and asks if such a clause could lead to slander. “Oh!” she gasps, “That would never happen! I’m sure all women and managers take this topic far too seriously! Silence is most likely fear, not absence of incident.” Now everyone groans. Because it does happen. It had happened. Truth was, despite 25 years both at the console a $45- thou- a year pro was more cheaply replaced by a $20-thou cub like Frank and maybe a minimum wage college kid for weekends. “Allegations,” Frank underlines, on his seminar pamphlet, “Stay on record until proven.” What?! So says Old Man, Sinatra’s Kachin assistant: “America. Very funny place.” A hand goes up. Jack again. “Why is this seminar about sexual harassment and not, oh, religious or racial harassment?” Answer: “Sexual harassment creates a hostile environment.” This time, the black host of the Sunday ‘s gospel hour groans. Sinatra would never have taken this! But then again, Never So Few, does end the way that any good war film doesn’t: with Tom Reynolds' court martial for invading China all by himself. Thematically, this static venue serves to reunite him with Carla, more than to resolve the war story. It has been resolved. Sinatra and McQueen won! Yea. In something like The Manchurian Candidate (Frankenhiemer 1962) Sinatra’s love interest is worked in as key to the plot. Don’t we think quirky Janet Leigh is working for the other side for much of her time in the film? Frankly, with a small bunch of colorful soldiers with a lot of booze protecting a jungle form the reds, there is enough endearing content to get along without the bipolar Carla. Dropping her might make this a more manageable war film. Truth is, here as elsewhere, factual war stories and narrative don’t always blend together well in a Hollywood film. To see love and war mixed well, check out McQueen and Robert Wagner in The War Lover (Leacock 1962). According to this seminar, love didn’t mix well with work, either. No one should be harassed. Still, though, how do these politically-correct enclaves, devoid of proper checks and balances exist? “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Frank curses, "Please keep all women safe and protected.”